S1 Ep 5: Three Dollar Bill

Episode 5- 3 Dollar Bill

G: Okay, I got one or ye, the story of the fall of the Atlasmen.

B: Ah gway Gino we've all heard this one!

J: A hundred times!

RR: Yeah man even I know this!

G: Well I don't care, I'm holding the magic Perculator so it's my turn to tell a scary story.

S But it's not even scary.

G: Shh. What am I holding?

S: (sighs) Magic Perculator.

G: Precisely. My turn.

B: Just get on with it.

G: Years ago-

S: Nine years to be exact.

G: Yeah well that's not as dramatic. Years ago...there existed the Soldiers of Atlas. The greatest warriors the Astral Legion had ever produced. They were raised and trained killers, scouted from a young age to learn the art of war. They would traverse the Galaxy, squashing rebellions wherever they could be found...launching purges on entire planets if neccessary. They were the pride of the Order, and anyone who dared go against them would face the might of their Dreadship the Posiedon, and her Metal Rain as the soldiers are launched into war in battlepods.

B: Get to the bit-

G: I am! I'm just building the mistique! Anyway, they were lead mainly by two men. The first was their WarCleric Francisco Kramer, a preacher of loyalty, service and fealty to the Order and to the Great Commander.

S: Eh, you're playing him down a bit Gino.

G: What do you mean?

S: He did a bit more than just preach. The lad walked around in a gold suit of armour like some kind of Medievil Pope. He would execute Officers by chopping off their heads with a ceremonial Battleaxe.

RR: Sounds like my old boss.

G: Okay anyway, the second Commander was Gaius Cato. Lad was a living Legend. Veteran of loads of wars, he was a feckin' genius. He was gifted at speeches too...he could rouse the Atlasmen to walk into a nuclear bomb if he wanted to. Is that succinct enough Sonya?

S: You're doing good!

G: Thank you. So yeah, these guys are feckin' lethal...immortal in many peoples eyes. So when an innsurexion occured on the Lumber Planet Oaken, you'd think the operation would be routine? Well it very fucking much was not. When they arrived, they found the intel they recieved from the White Knights orbiting the Planet was bogus. Battlefield schematics were altered, troop numbers were falsified, terrain maps tampered with. The Atlasmen went onto the field thinking that the All Nations Alliance had teamed up with the Second Puritans....whereas in reality the latter just took the opportunity to stage their own little uprising in the chaos and kill the former in mass burnings.

RR: Come on, I have a good spooky story and you haven't gotten to me yet!

G: I'm almost finished. Anyway, the bad intel proved disasterous for the Atlasmen. Half their forces either died or were injured in the Battles to retake Oaken. WarCleric Kramer died at Dryades, Oaken's Capital. Gaius Cato returned to Earth to face a tribunal over the calamity. And just when things couldn't get worse, they get another distress call. This time, it's the Planet Volos in the Helios-Horus Binary system. They head off, at half strength and without their leaders...and never return.

S: Gino, that story isn't scary!

G: Yes it is! What happened to them? And why is there a 3 Light Week cordon around Volos? You know they say the Darkstar guards that cordon.

S: Who says that?

G: You know...'they'.

RR: What's the Darkstar?

G: How do you not know what the Darkstar is?

RR: I guess I missed that part of Galactic History class.

G: It's only the most powerful Titan Ship at the Order's disposal. Only a handful were ever made, and the Darkstar is the most powerful. Its arsenal can blow up whole planets.

J: Maybe they landed on Volos and decided to stay?

B: No Jilly. If you ask me, I'd say the Anti-Matter core leaked and the ship blew up in space. Whatever happened on Volos, the Order deemed not important to muster together another armada and instead is just...blockading the planet until everyone on it is dead.

S: Wow, now that is scary.

G: And depressing. Wanna hear my theory?

S: No.

G: Aliens.

S: Fuck...sake.

G: Way less depressing than the realistic idea that our government cares so little about us that it is willing to let us starve than put forth the energy to assemble an army to defend us.

P: Oh hey, guys...what are you doing?

J: Telling scary stories...want to play?

P: Sure! Can I try?

RR: What!?

J: Sure!

RR: Oh come on!

P: Okay so scary...scary...well...I was stationed in Alaska when a group of Dead President cells raided a town filled with relatives of high ranking Order officials. It was so funny man...when we got there they had all run away but we found the resident uh, what was that thing they did to that guy people used to worship?

G: Jesus Christ?

P: Yeah him...what did they do to him?

G: They crucified him.

P: Yeah that! Well...oh man this is so funny....they crucified the whole town man it was crazy I was like...what? Man the smell too...because most of them had...you know.

(extended silence)

G: Well that's it. Peter ruined scary story time. It's over go home everyone.

P: Oh man I thought it was funny.

G: It was meant to be scary Peter, even so...that wasn't funny, it was sad...you've made me sad now.

S: You know, the art is starting to make sense.

INTRO

G: Okay, lads...not long from Salirus now. The reason I have gathered all of you here, is to say goodbye to Joe. Joe, I think I can speak for all of us when I say...we'll miss you!

P: Oh hey Joe, you still here? I thought we let you off back in Hybrax.

G: Peter we picked him up on Hybrax.

J: Aw Joe, it's been lovely having you.

S: Even if you did sleep through most of the trip.

Joe: Ah yeah, the hum of the engine puts me out like a baby.

RR: Can I have your shoes?

Joe: What?

B: So Gino, what are we going to do once we drop Joe off?

G: Ah I was thinking we head to Alchemilia for a bit of R & R.

B: Is this real R & R or is this New Geneva R & R? Because I did not come out of that R or R'd.

G: Ah hey now we came out of that place with 2, 500 credits and a fully loaded Gatlin Cannon, so I'd say we did pretty well.

J: Well, we did have to spend 300 to clean the cockpit of brain matter.

P: Sorry again about that.

G: I will never forgive you Peter. And yes, minus the cleaning job we're still 2, 200 in the black with Joe's payment, however modest, still to come.

S: Yeah but Gino, we all nearly died.

RR: And you punched a dying man.

S: Yeah we're forgetting that.

G: Yeah we all nearly died, but that happens far more often than you'd think.

J: It's true.

S: Are you bragging about that?

G: Little bit.

P: Well I killed like three guys on New Geneva, that's pretty funny too.

S: Peter I am genuinely concerned that your wiring is messed up and you can't differentiate emotional stimuli.

P: Oooh paging Doctor Halley am I right Gino?

G: Shut up Peter.

P: Okey dokey.

J: Sonya's right. Peter I really think you have some issues you need to work through.

(Emergency Beeping)

S: S.O.S call?

B: Seriously?

G: Shit, okay I say we ignore it.

RR: I agree with the boss.

J: But Gino someone could be in trouble.

G: And they could bring that trouble straight to our doorstep.

Joe: I think yee should ignore it. Ye'er an unlucky group, I'd like to reach my ship in one piece.

P: I think we should check it out Cap. Jilly is right, people could be in danger.

G: Okay feck it, we take a vote. All who say we check out the potentially life threatening emergency call say 'Aye'.

S, J, P: Aye.

G: Everybody who'd rather survive say 'Nay':

G, RR, Joe: Nay.

S: Your phrasing wasn't biased at all!

G: Thank you. Bernard, you neither Ayed nor Nayed, what do you vote?

B: Fuck, I don't know. I just want to relax, but I know if we leave the distress call...Aye.

G: Shit!

J: Well done Bernie!

(Multiple footsteps to the cockpit)

G: Okay, Jilly what do you have?

J: It's a distress call coming from a White Knight orbiting Salirus. It's the 'Rising Sun'.

RR: White Knight?

G: Ah, you shouldn't be here! We're working!

RR: So?

G: We're in serious mode now. Essential personel only little miss.

P: What about me cap?

G: Head to your room and grab your weapons, we might need them.

P: You got it! (metal footsteps walking away)

RR: So, what are they? You mentioned them when you told that not scary story. I know the Atlasmen but I've never heard the part about 'White Knights'.

G: They're observation ships that orbit a colonised planet. They alert the planet if there's anything threatening on its way like a comet or a Gamma Ray burst. Now, head down to kitchen.

RR: (sighs) I just want to see some action.

(Metal footsteps walking away)

S: They also monitor the planet, to make sure it's citizens are behaving.

G: Sher what else would you expect. Is there any message embedded in the call Jill?

J: No, it's just a standard alert signal.

G: Okay, how far are we from it.

J: We can be on it in 5.24 seconds if we go to 60% thrust.

G: (Over communicator) Bernie, give me .6 Light for 5.24 on my mark.

B: You got it Gino.

G: Mark.

(Sound of Engine Engaged in high speed flight for 5 seconds)

J: Rising Sun dead ahead.

G: Send a Greeter.

J: Sent. Gino we're receiving a request for Comms... It's their Captain.

G: Patch him through.

(Monitor turning on)

CW: This is Captain Erasmus Winters of the White Knight Vessel the Rising Sun. To what do we owe this unexpected fly-by?

G: Captain Winters. My name is Captain Gino Whelan. We eh, picked up a distress call coming from your craft-

CW: A distress call? Can you elaborate?

G: Yeah no there was no message embedded or anything...just a eh,

J: General Alert beacon.

G: Thanks Jill.

CW: Captain Whelan we are experiencing no difficulties at this time. Is it possible that your computer system is malfunctioning.

G: I wouldn't say so Captain. We just did a diagnostic check on New Geneva yesterday, by all accounts our systems are working fine.

CW: It must be ours then. Tell me captain, are you a fan of scotch?

G: Come again Captain?

CW: I'm sure you know the work we do. It's hard being the Lighthouses of the Colonies of Earth. Me and my skeleon crew here have been bereft of some company for some time now. I'd be honoured if we could host you and your officers for a drink and exchange of stories. That is if you're interested.

G: While I appreciate the offer Captain, we're running on a very tight-

CW: Did I mention it's 70 year old Euthenian Scotch?

G: Euthenian Scotch? That's one of the best in the Galaxy. Captain, I'd be honoured.

CW: Excellent. Gather your officers and meet me at the Hatch. Winters over and out.

(Monitor turns off)

S: Well he had a hard time convincing you.

G: Sonya, this is 70 year old Euthenian Scotch. It is a masterpiece in liquid form.

S: Hey I'm not arguing. Lord knows I could do with a drink after New Geneva. I'm actually looking forward to it.

Metal footsteps approaching

B: Gino, I'm the biggest fan of scotch here but...I don't know this feels wierd.

G: Bernard I think being locked up with a murderous cannibal and almost being blown up in a Jazz Club has made you a bit nervous.

B: Explain the Emergency signal then.

S: I can't believe I'm agreeing with Gino but, Bernard you should relax. The men picked for White Knight duty are the most thoroughly vetted in the Galaxy. These guys sacrifice years of their lives in near solitude to protect the Colonies of Earth. They're the least dangerous people in the Galaxy.

B: And the S.O.S. ?

S: Honestly, these ships are old. Some of them date back to the first settlers. Looking at the Rising Sun I'd date it as being 50 years old easy. They malfunction from time to time.

B: Okay, yeah I suppose you're right. It's just, alot of shite has happened to us recently, I'm just expecting the worst is all.

G: While I acknowledge that we've had a string of ridiculously unfortunate and disasterous things happen to us recently, I feel good about this.

S: Also, to be fair alot of those bad things, New Geneva excluded, were your fault Gino.

G: Exactly. I didn't cause us to run into these guys, we should be fine.

B: So, who gets to tell the guys we're leaving them to drink expensive scotch while they sit here drinking tea with dehydrated milk sachets?

J: I'll tell them. I have a way with people.

G: Eh, Jilly...you can't come.

J: What? Why?

G: Officers only. And you're technically not an officer.

J: But...that's not fair.

S: Sorry Jilly. We'll bring you back some of that Scotch if we can.

J: (sighs) Okay, you better. Wait...shouldn't Peter come along? He is an officer after all.

G: He's a military officer.

J: That still counts?

G: And he'd ruin everything.

J: Gino!

S: Oh my god, I think I'm having a stroke because...I agree.

B: Yeah. He'd just talking about his art and dead bodies defecating themselves. Not exactly Brunch talk.

J: This officer nonsense is getting to your heads.

G: Well, it is nice to aknowledge your standing every once in a while.

B: Gino last week you pissed into a spacesuit because you were too drunk and lazy to go to the toilet.

G: And now I'm sititng down having a fancy scotch with another Space Captain. People change Bernie, I've changed.

S: In a week?

G: Drastic I know. That's the kind of person I am.

S: I'll tell the guys if I can stop this conversation.

....

S: Okay lads, so we've spoken with the Captain of the Rising Sun and it's all okay, a false alarm.

P: Awh, I warmed up Maria and everything.

B: I really wish he'd stop saying that. My aunt is named Maria and it's wierd.

S: Anyway, they've invited Gino, Bernard and myself onboard for just some...you know, boring admin stuff.

RR: Wait we can't go?

S: It's just paperwork ReBekka.

J: They're going to drink expensive scotch and we're not invited.

RR: What? That's bullshit!

Joe: Hold on now, what about me? I'm expected any minute now at the ship.

G: Joe, relax okay? We're popping in for a quick hello and a drink and we'll be back.

B: Yeah Joe, I'll even blast the engines to .8 light to make up for lost time.

G: Yeah, we'll bomb around Salirus to your friends ship. We'll half the time.

J: Gino we're only a minute from his ship as it is at half light.

G: Yeah and we'll half that. Come on lads...I promise I'll make it up to ye. And Joe, to be fair we did save you from Debt Collectors on Hybrax so you do kind of owe us.

RR: This is Bullshit!

G: Language missy. If you're good I'll bring you back a chocolate bar or something.

RR: You can bring me back some of that scotch.

B: Okay guys, are we ready.

S: And well I am. I am very excited I must say.

J: Don't rub it in anyway.

S: Sorry.

P: Aw c'mon guys we'll have fun here while we wait. We can share some stories-

RR: I had a good one before you interrupted me this morning.

P: See, we'll have just as much fun. Bye guys, enjoy!

S: Awh thanks Peter.

B: Sound man Pete.

G: Get fucked. Bye lads...RedBekka put that finger away.

RR: Sit and spin Dickweed.

...

G: Okay everyone, the hatch is about to open. Try and look successful.

S: Well I became one of the youngest officers to be posted on an Iquisitorial Vessel so...I kind of already am.

B: Notions on you.

S: What?!

G: Ah I can already taste that scotch.

(Hatch door opens)

G: Captain Winters I presume?

CW: Captain Whelan. Are these your officers?

G: Yes they are! This my first officer Sonya Halley.

CW: A woman! How very... different. Don't think I'm passing ill judgement Officer, I find it refreshing. Too many men with long teeth and short fuses in this business.

S: Oh, well thank you very much Captain.

G: And this is my Engineering Officer Bernard Dooley.

CW: Ah, the Engineer. I always find them to be as important if not more so than the captains themselves. Without the tinkerers, humanity itself would fall apart.

B: Why thank you sir. I've often thought that myself.

CW: Won't you come in and join us for an afternoon drink?

G: We'd love to.

Multiple metal footsteps.

CW: So Captain Whelan, tell me about yourself and your ship.

G: Well we're...a cargo and passenger transport ship mostly. Sometimes we deal with specialised contract work if we need the extra money.

CW: Ah, so you're the Jack of All Trades then?

G: Something like that. This is a nice ship you've got here.

CW: Ah you flatter me captain, to be honest the Rising Sun is well past her sell by date. She's as outdated as our Affluency Laws. No weapons, no Anti-Matter thrusters...just left to the whim of Space.

B: Well you've done well to keep her going. A matron like this requires alot of love and skill.

CW: Well you may thank my crew for that. They are tireless for their cause. Tell me Captain, that distress call you recieved...did you relay that to any Government Vessel?

G: No, as soon as we spoke I realised it must have been an error.

CW: Good.

G: So Captain Winters, where are your crew?

CW: Oh they're in the secondary airlock.

G: What?

CW: Well the Doctor is. The rest of them I've already chucked out a few moments before you arrived.

Gun cocks

G: Shit.

......

RR: (sighs) This. Is. Bull. Shit.

J: I wonder what they're doing now?

RR: I bet they're having a great time. I bet that scotch tastes like heaven.

P: Come on guys. Let's try to have some fun.

RR: Peter, if you're about to tell us another 'funny' story, I'll save you the time...your stories aren't funny.

P: What about the one about the spaceship that flew into the asteroid? That was pretty funny.

J: Didn't alot of people die Peter?

P: Oh yeah hundreds. But it happened because the cockpit filled with carbon monoxide from the waste disposal unit! That's funny to me! They died because of poop!

RR: Peter you're really messed up man.

P: Oh come on now...come on...no I'm...I'm good...man.

J: Peter I normally like how cheery you are, but RedBekka's right. You know I took some classes in psychology.

RR: Jilly that doesn't-

J: I bet I could help you get to the source of your issues.

P: I don't have any issues Jilly, seriously I am fine.

J: Fine? Or not...fine?

P: Fine.

J:But when you say that word, how does it make you feel?

P: Saying fine...makes me feel fine.

J: Hmmm...and fine...do you mean...not that?

P: Not what?

J: Fine.

P: I am Fine!

J: Jesus... Maybe you're immune to clinical psychology, it's rare but people can be.

RR: This is ridiculous. Peter?

P: Yo?

RR: You project this imagine of thinking everything is funny because the horrors you went through as a Terran soldier are so traumatising that the only way for you to be able to deal with it is to consider anything horrible you hear about or come accross as funny. Otherwise the memories of the countless atrocities you've seen or even committed would tear you apart from the inside.

J: RedBekka that's ridiculous...Peter doesn't-

P: (crying) She's right.

J: What?

RR: Ha! See!

P: I've seen so man horrible things...I...I just can't feel anymore. I don't feel afraid, I don't feel sad, I don't feel happy I just don't feel anything.

RR: Uh oh.

J: Oh no Peter...are you okay?

P: (sobbing) I don't know!

RR: Well good job Jilly you broke Peter.

P: (Sobs)

.....

(multiple footsteps)

CW: Hey Engineer, keep your hands up.

G: Where are you taking us?

CW: To the airlock. I want you to meet your new friend.

S: Why are you doing this? We haven't done anything to you.

CW: What you did was mess up my plans. Now I have to figure out what my next step is.

B: Are you going to throw us out of the airlock?

CW: I haven't decided yet.

(door whooshes open)

CW: Doctor Florence, this is that rescue party you were looking for. Rescue Party well, this is the meddling bitch that got you into this mess. In you go now, don't get too comfortable I won't be long.

(door whooshes closed)

F: I take it you got my message?

S: Yeah, sorry who are you?

F: I'm the ships doctor, my name is Sianna Florence.

G: Doctor what in the almighty fuck is going on?

F: What's happening is I've killed us all. I should have listened to Gardener, I shouldn't of sent that message. Now he's dead along with everyone else.

S: Did Winters fire them from the airlock?

F: Yes. I even told him that it was me that sent the alert. He did it to punish me.

G: Who the fuck is he?

F: He's who he says he is. He's Captain Erasmus Winters, only his intentions are false. Winters is not a loyal servant of the Order of Humanity. Far from it, he is a Terror Cell for the Dead Presidents.

G: How long has he been your Captain?

F: Two weeks. He took over from our last Captain, Hayle, his death still hasn't been determined. As soon as Winters took Command he told us what he was, what his intentions were. He said that if any of us tried to alert command he'd kill us. 8 of us, 1 of him and still we were all too afraid to do anything. I suppose we deserve this.

G: Feck this, we're getting out of here. Bernard can you override the Airlock control panel?

B: I've been trying since Pissheel threw us in here. It's a B23 model, super fucking dated-

G: Can you get us out?

(Electic crack & fizzle)

B: Bollocks! No I can't. Shit!

S: We'll think of something.

G: Better think quick, he's coming back.

B: What do you know about him Sianna?

F: Nothing, Only that he's a terrible gambler. He bets on everything. He bet Warrick 500 credits on the exact time Prometheus would rise over Salirus.

(Over intercom)

CW: After due consideration...I've decided that there's not much else for me to do but continue my mission. You and your friends aboard the Green Horizon will become my new crew. Any subterfuge or dereliction of duty will result in well...you've seen first hand.

B: Hang on Captain, I'd like to make a bet with you.

CW: Has Sianna been telling you about me? Yes it's true I have a penchant for games of chance but, I'll not let my mission fall on it.

B: What if...I win, you let us all go.

CW: Do you really think I'll bite?

B: If you win we all stay. No arguing, no plots against you. We all swear, on everything we own, everything we are that we will be your loyal crew...to the bitter end.

CW: If I win, how do I know you'll honour the bet?

B: Look I get it, you don't know us. But you have my word, and that's the only thing that means anything to me.

CW: I believe you. I don't know why...but I do. Okay, what's the game?

B: 5 Card Poker. One hand, whoever's got the better one wins.

CW: That simple?

B: That simple. No skill, no bluff...just luck.

CW: Hmmm...what is that old saying about the Irish and luck?

G: Trust me Winters, Famines and oppression are testament to our inability to catch a break.

CW: Then the advantage should be mine.

B: And when I say we all go free, I include the Doctor.

F: What? You would save me after I brought you here?

B: Of course.

S: Actually that's great, we could do with a doctor.

G: Yeah, I've had this lump on my neck now for 6 months, it makes me dizzy when I poke it.

S: How are you still alive?

....

P: (sobbing)

J: Peter? Come on now it's okay!

RR: How long has he been crying for now?

J: 45 minutes.

RR: That's alot of repression.

J: He must be getting thirsty, all them tears.

RR: Has he drank his tea?

J: He tried but he said it tasted salty.

RR: Salty? Oh from his-

J: Yeah. Peter?

P: Y-Y-yeah?

J: Will you be crying for much longer? Only I've to feed Frank and he gets awful cranky.

P: N-N-No it's-It's-Okay.

J: Oh I can't leave him. How do we stop it?

RR: Well, he's like a big kid. What do you do when a kid cries?

J: Peter? Would you like a jelly?

P: W-W-What?

J: A Jelly? Like a sweet.

P: N-N-No.

RR: A joke maybe?

J: Oh em, where did the cheese go on Holidays?

P: W-W-W-where?

J: Edamsterdam. Where did he stay? In a cottage.

RR: He's not laughing.

J: Those were my only two jokes.

RR: Hang on. (slaps) Stop crying!

P: Okay (quietly cries)

RR: Well I've done my best.

....

CW: Sit down! The rest of you sit behind him. No funny business or the Engineer gets a newly ventillated skull.

B: Relax Captain Winters. We've agreed to the game, Gino and Sonya will let it play out.

S: Yeah, no tricks from us, right Gino?

G: Yeah, we've all agreed...we'll go by the bet.

(Chairs being pulled out, creaking from being sat on)

B: Just out of curiosity, that scotch wouldn't be real would it?

CW: Sorry, I'm afraid I made that up. Once I heard you were Irish-

G: Hey now, don't be a racist.

CW: It got you on board didn't it.

S: He's got a point.

F: Did he play the philosopher when he first met you? That what he did with us. Charmed us with wit and candour, then threatened us with death.

CW: Quiet now Doctor, after all this is you're mess. If you hadn't sent that message-

F: And if you hadn't decided to make the Rising Sun your vessel for this awful crusade my friends would all still be alive so don't try to put the blame on me.

B: Actually, what is your plan Captain Winters?

CW: I suppose I can tell you since you'll soon be my new loyal crew. The goal of the Dead Presidents here on Salirus is sabotague. Slowly, we will infiltrate every White Knight in orbit, and then incite violence on the planet below. We will block as many messages out of the planet as possible, and when help does arrive, we will do to them what the Puritans did to the Atlasmen on Oaken; We will falsify all the intel. The chaos will be disasterous for the Order, and it will be another step toward liberating Humanity from their oppression.

B: But what about all the people you've killed? How can you consider yourself a liberator, when you're just as bad as those that you fight.

CW: The people I've killed were puppets for the Order. They are no great loss.

F: How dare you!

S: No wonder the All Nations Alliance have distanced themselves from you.

CW: They distanced themselves? No. We did. After their loss on Oaken the A.N.A became weak. They focused too much on politics and not enough on war. We cut them out, they were deadweight. Now enough talk, deal the cards.

B: No need, I've already won.

CW: What?

B: During your little tirade there, I enacted my plan. You see, for the past few days I've been training Jilly's pet ferret Frank to bring things to me if I tap my foot three times. It doesn't have to be loud, because his little ears are very sensitive. I just did it a few moments ago, and nobody heard me.

CW: What are talking about?

B: When I tapped my foot, Frank brought something to me.

CW: I'm just going to shoot you.

B: I wouldn't, and let me tell you why. I made all of that up, every word. I needed a little extra time to ever-so-slowly pull this out of my underpants.

G: A thermite grenade! Bernard you genius.

S: Wait...what about the ferret?

G: He made it up, keep up Sonya.

B: I've also pulled the pin, it's on a deadman switch. You kill me and we all go up, along with your plan.

CW: (sighs) Very good, see I told you...Engineers keep everything together.

G: How did you know Bernie?

B: My previous trauma's have given me a severe trust complex.

G: Oh well thank God for that.

CW: So, where do we go from here?

B: We? Well me, Gino, Sonya and the good Doctor here are heading back to the Green Horizon. As for you well, you can go and fuck yourself.

CW: I can't let you go. You'll tell the Astral Legion.

G: No we won't.

B: Oh we will most definately.

G: Bernie!

B: What if, we get off and move away to a safe distance. We stay for the next two hours, enough time for you to pack your shit, get in your scuttlebug and fuck back to whatever scumhole you came from.

CW: How do I know you won't turn that Gatty on me the second you're off the Rising Sun?

B: You don't you'll only have my word.

CW: And what is that worth? You told me you'd play me in a game of cards yet here we are.

B: No, I said I'd have the better hand, which I do. You have a pistol, I have a grenade. I kept my word.

CW: Fine, we have a deal. You realise what you're doing don't you? The work that you're destroying.

laim to morality for the last: 2000

F: (whispers) I love this man.

...

J: Okay, the lads are coming through the hatch. Everyone just smile, pretend to be happy that they got to drink expensive scotch while we gave Peter a mental breakdown.

RR: Well that's mostly on you.

J: You're the one who broke him RedBekka.

RR: Hey you started it!

P: Guys seriously I'm-I'm fine. (cries)

Joe: Hello lads. I was looking for you Jilly how dya work that blasted Percolator...what's wrong with him.

J: Mental breakdown.

Joe: Americans.

(door hisses)

J: Big smiles everyone.

(Hatch opens)

J: Hello lads! Wait, what's going on?

RR: Why is Brian holding a grenade? And why is that guy pointing a gun at everyone?

J: Gino did you tell that joke about incest again? I keep telling you it offends people.

S: No, we didn't do anything. It turns out the captain is a dangerous terrorist that was about to enslave us all.

F: You're Engineer saved us.

RR: Brian?

B: It's Bernard. Bernard Dooly.

G: No need for the dramatics Bernie.

B: Yeah that was a bit corny wasn't it?

CW: Our arrangement still stands correct? I let you go, you let me go?

B: It does Winters. We have honour, unlike you.

G: Nice one Bernard. Now, you heard our Engineer, kindly fuck off.

CW: Gladly. What's wrong with him?

P: I'm just so glad to see everyone (sobs)

RR: Jilly broke Peter.

J: Shh.

G: We'll deal with that later.

F: Just so you know, if I had my way we'd blast that ship with you in it to kingdom come.

CW: And if I had mine you'd all be dead.

G: See you around Winters.

CW: I hope not. Wait, don't I know you?

Joe: What?

CW: You look familiar.

Joe: I'm nobody.

G: Did you fire any old people out of airlocks recently that looked like him?

Joe: I look like alot of people.

CW: Hmm maybe.

B: You have two hours. Now shag off.

(hatch closes)

Joe: Right, feck this I'm going back to bed.

P: I missed you Captain.

G: Lads what did ye do to him?

F: Thank you Mr. Dooley. You saved my life, you're a hero.

B: Ah, it was nothing.

F: And thank you Gino and Sonya for keeping your cool. You'd swear you deal with life threatening situations on a daily basis.

G: Well...

S: You're welcome Sianna.

F: Now, I can't say I've had the most relaxing day. Might I use your facilities to freshen up? We can all talk again later.

G: No problem Doctor.

P: She seems so nice. (cries)

S: Lads seriously what did ye do?

....

G: Jill, Sonya, Bernard you're all here in the canteen...good.

S: You've never been pleased to see us...what's wrong?

G: What? nothing. Still waiting on Winters to give us the confirmation that he's left the Rising Sun so there's nothing to do but wait.

J: You look constipated.

G: This isn't my constipated face.

B: No, he fancies someone.

G: What? No. I was just going to ask...what dya think of Sianna?

S: Doctor Florence? Yeah I like her. She seems strong. Anyone who's be willing to risk their life for others much be a good person.

B: I agree, she's tough.

G: I was thinking about asking her to stay. To be our Doctor.

S: I think she'd make a good fit, and lord knows we could do with a medical professional with our track record.

G: Yeah I think Mortlock broke my nose the other day. It's still bleeding and I'm waking up with more and more blood down my throat.

S: Oh my god, yeah we need a doctor.

Approaching footsteps

RR: You guys talking about the Doctor?

G: Yeah.

P: I like her!

J: Peter you've stopped crying!

P: I talked to Doctor Florence about all my 'emotional Cabbage'-

RR: Baggage.

P: Right...Baggage. She listened to some of my problems and talked me down. I feel fine again!

RR: Yeah but Peter she also suggested you require years of therapy to cope with your issues.

P: Nah, I feel awesome again.

G: See? She's fixing our heads and well as our bodies.

RR: I like her.

(silence)

RR: What? She's cool. I like her hair....and she can write me a prescription for uppers and downers so...free drugs.

G: So we're all in agreement then?

J: Yep. I might talk to her about my anxiety when I get the chance.

S: You have anxiety Jilly?

J: Yeah, haven't you noticed I've been up the walls lately?

S: No, actually.

G: Right, I'll go ask her to stay. Where is she?

P: She's in Brians' room.

RR: It's Bernard. And he's a fuckin' hero.

B: Thank you RedBekka.

S: Ooooh Bernard she's in your room is she?

B: No not like that. She needed a room to freshen up. I'm staying in the spare with Becks and Joe.

RR: Good luck. Joe's a real snorer.

G: Okay, I'm going to ask. Wish me luck.

S: Good luck.

Footsteps walking away

J: Bernie why are you smiling?

B: I dunno, it's just...after all the shit we've been through. It finally feels like we've turned a real corner. We're actually putting a crew together. Maybe we'll make it after all.

S: Well, I'm very happy you pulled me from the unemployment line.

P: And I'm happy Mortlock fired me.

RR: Ehhh, I guess I'm glad I left the Emerald Dragon.

S: You guess?

Footsteps approaching

J: Well, what did she say Gino?

S: What's wrong? You're pale as a ghost.

G: Ehm, so Doctor Florence won't be joining our crew.

B: Why?

G: She's dead.

(Silence)

MASSIVE CRASH

outro

Created By Paul Walsh

Cast

Kieran Walsh as Gino Whelan

Caoimhe Walsh as Sonya Halley

Amy Jackman as Jilly Whelan

Steven Stubbs as Bernard Dooley

Megan Walsh as RedBekka Roy

Paul Walsh as Peter Savage

&

Jack Bishop as Mortlock the Smuggler

Sound by Steven Stubbs

Recorded in the Forum, Waterford, Ireland.

Sound Effect Attribution

Freesfx.co.uk

Freesounds.org

Inspectorj- UI Confirmation Alert B1.Wav

ddunkley- footsteps on metal.wav

Qubodup- Sci fi Laboratory Ambience

CosmicD- Engine_Hum_New.wav

MichaelKoehler- Knob Button tape deck cassette recorder mechanical

Sandyrb- The Crash.wav

CGEffex- Grenade Pin Pull.flac

DWOBoyle- Spaceship_Door_Close.Wav & Spaceship_Door_Close.Wav

ERH- Radio Click 2.wav

Music

Intro by Daniel Noronha (Mrthenoronha)

Dune by Goran Andric (Zagi2)